Is the BBC toast? I wish!

"Is Newsnight toast?" asked Eddie Mair last night on a special, death-by-a-thousand-self-administered-cuts edition of the BBC's flagship news programme.

Yes, I dare say it is in its present form, but that's not really the question we should be asking.

"Is the BBC toast?" Now that's more like it. But I think I can guess the answer already.

Nope. Once all this has blown over it's going to carry on much as before.

Given the BBC's recent track record, you'd think this would be impossible. First, it has allowed a gang of predatory paedophiles – including probably its biggest-ever children's star – to operate with impunity on its premises over a period of three or four decades. Then, just to keep things fair and balanced I suppose, it has libellously exposed as a predatory paedophile an entirely blameless man. These are the kind of catastrophic errors of judgment which, in the private sector, would lead to many heads rolling – and quite possibly the closure of the organisation. (Look at what happened to the News of the World). This won't happen at the BBC and here are some reasons why.

1. Its bien-pensant chairman Lord Patten is part of the problem, not the solution. Putting Patten in charge of any investigations will be like allowing King Herod to take charge of an inquiry into the mysterious disappearance of male children under two in Bethlehem. (Patten should be replaced forthwith by Quentin Letts.)

2. The BBC is so complacent and puffed up with its own self-importance, it will never accept it has done anything seriously wrong. Both the self-flagellatory Newsnight episode and the lacerating Panorama investigation into the BBC's cancellation of the planned Savile expose are symptomatic of this. "See how open and balanced we are!" runs the message. "We're not afraid to tell it like it is when we've done something wrong. Which shows what a jolly splendid organisation we really are." (If the BBC really wanted to show contrition it would sack Paul Mason and replace him with Allister Heath)

3. The Savile and McAlpine disasters are in any case red herrings. While heaping welcome and deserved opprobrium on the noisome BBC, they're really a distraction from the much bigger problem of the BBC's ingrained corruption, dishonesty and bias. As I argue more fully in this polemic here, our official, compulsorily-funded state propagandist has for years been abusing a nation of 60 million.

4. We've just seen an excellent example of how the BBC deals with valid criticism. It pays the best lawyers licence-fee-payers' money can buy to ensure the problem remains covered up.

5. The BBC is like the NHS. Everyone knows in their head that it's crap and should have been buried long ago. But their hearts keep telling them its a national treasure which deserves to be kept on a life-support machine, no matter what, till the end of time.