Without a great fuss

My father in law of blessed memory was a rabbi for over sixty years, ten years in Lithuania and over a half century in Detroit Michigan. As such, he saw and experienced pretty much everything that can happen in Jewish communal and synagogue life. He was a constant source of information, guidance and advice to me.

Like all sons-in-law I did not always heed his advice in the beginning years of our relationship, but over time I learned that he was practically infallible in his assessment of people, situations and sticky synagogue issues. Whenever I had a great new idea or program planned for my synagogue or community and thereupon ran the matter by him for his approval or comment, he almost always encouraged me to pursue my idea.

However his parting comment regarding all of my illustrious plans was “ober ohn ah tumul” – do it in a low-key fashion, without any fuss or tumult. Controversy is an elixir and is addictive. There are many leaders - religious, political, educational, journalistic and secular - who thrive on sensationalism and tumult. They love controversy. I imagine that this attitude is a product of their personalities and psychological makeup.

Nevertheless, I believe and my experience has taught me, that controversy for the sake of controversy is harmful and counterproductive to the very cause that the leader is trying to advance by his principled but far too vocal stand.

Many decades ago when I was a very young rabbi holding a Shabat-only position in a small synagogue in Chicago while I practiced law during the weekdays (a combination of positions that I would never recommend to anyone), the gabaim in that synagogue told me that they intended to honor a certain someone visiting the congregation with an aliyah to the Torah.

At that time, the person involved was anathema to the Orthodox community and I strongly advised the gabaim not to call him to the Torah in our synagogue.

Since the gabaim were all older and wiser than I was at the time, or perhaps as I am even now, they ignored my instructions and called the person to the Torah. I made a public protest and stalked out of the synagogue, joined by about half of the assemblage. As one can imagine a great tumult ensued and the remainder of the synagogue service was marked by controversy, noise and bad feelings all around. Within a few months I was no longer the Shabat rabbi in that synagogue.

As I later assessed the fallout from my holy impetuosity, I realized that I had ignored my father-in-law’s core advice. The person was called to the Torah anyway, the synagogue membership was split irrevocably, I was no longer the Shabat rabbi and any influence for the good that I may have had was now gone. The learning program that I had instituted for the teenagers of the congregation on Friday night was disbanded and I was left defeated and frustrated. Without the tumult there would have been a chance to meet with the gabaim privately and quietly and perhaps reach an understanding so that such a situation would never again arise in the synagogue. But with the tumult having occurred, any chance for such an understanding no longer existed.

Since then I have tried to follow my father-in-law’s core advice in my rabbinic career. I abhor controversy and do not even respond to those who boast that they love the challenges of discord. The ways of the Torah are ways of pleasantness and all of its roads are those of peace and harmony.

There are many issues that one must take a stand upon. But the tactics of having one’s position accepted and implemented vary. Life teaches us that honey catches more flies than does vinegar.

Controversy and provocation only engender a counter force of greater controversy and provocation. This is especially true when the controversy involved is cloaked in the holy garb of theology and/or religious outlook.

Much of the division that exists in the Jewish world today stems not from real differences on basic issues and beliefs as they do upon the discord that these differences engender.

One has to swallow hard many times in order to avoid tumult. But in the long run, the avoidance of it is a mighty weapon in the arsenal of those who wish to lead and guide others in the advancement of Judaism and Torah values. There are many times in life when less is more and silence and restraint are louder than any noise will ever be.

Shabbat Shalom