The Palestinian Toy Fair

A strange event is taking place in Gaza this week.

Far from the broken glass of former Israeli greenhouses and the burning stench of blazing synagogues, Palestinian mums and dads are actually taking time out from looting, hooting and shooting to bring their children to "The Palestinian Toy Fair". 

This year′s fair is being held for the first time in Gaza, where a million and a half Palestinians are still expressing exuberance and reveling in renewed hope for the future.  It seems that for decades now a mere few thousand Jews living in their midst was an offense to their sensibilities.  How dare those Jews work hard and make such good and prosperous lives for themselves right under their poor plighted noses.

This year′s fair has attracted an array of international sponsors including Christian Aid, Amnesty International and the BBC, represented by no other than Barbara Plett (don’t forget the tissues dear).  The Palestinians are keen to display their new found tolerance for other religions and despite the recent decimation of synagogues and burning and rampage of Christian villages, the fair will be opened by the worlds favourite Officer and Gentleman, the Buddhist Richard Gere.

The theme of this year′s fair is "Nurturing and Building Bridges through Toys".

The fair is already off to a roaring start with the kiddies already begging for one of the most popular toys; "suicide belts". This year the manufacturers have managed to solve that age old dilemma of fashion over comfort with a new model "one size detonates all".  Check out the great assortment of colours on offer this year with a "make mine any colour so long as it′s pink" especially for your little girls. Look out for the special offer, buy three and get the fourth one free. That’s got to be a good deal for all the mums struggling to bring up 11 children till they turn 18.  Don’t forget to read the instructions carefully and don’t let the under fives play with their belts anywhere near a box of matches.

The board games are going down well with a new Palestinian version of Monopoly selling like hot cakes.  The streets may not be Park Lane or 5th Avenue but they are no less illustrious with most of them named after martyrs. Yasser Arafat Boulevard and Sheik Yasin Lane in Jerusalem are the most sought after address′s and trust the Palestinians to come up with train stations in Haifa and Jerusalem. This game doesn’t pay you $200 for passing go but your mother will get $10,000 if you pass the Zionist checkpoints.  Don’t worry if you get that "go directly to jail" card – you know the Zionists are going to release you as part of their next round of unconditional concessions.   You may even get that option next time you land on the community chest.

How about some of the newer Palestinian board games.  Keep your eyes peeled for "Palestinian Farmer".   This new game is all about getting your friendly farmer to his olive orchards. Of course this used to be easy, but now the nasty Zionists have made it difficult by building a big tall brick wall and stopping our friendly farmer at any number of checkpoints. Don’t forget those "humiliation cards" if your friendly farmer is retained at a checkpoint. They could win him an extra orchard, especially if he gets searched. Throw your dice cautiously and look out for indiscriminate gunfire from the occupying forces.  Beware of landing on "curfew" which could mean your friendly farmer losing two goes. First person to get his friendly farmer to the olive grove wins.

The Palestinian puzzle cubes are selling well. This year′s cubes show the map of Palestine running red with the blood of martyrs on one side.  Yasser Arafat (how quickly we forget) features on four of the other sides and in honour of women the last side has been reserved for Hanani Jaradat.  Don’t forget to tell your little ones, especially your little girls how well she did at Maxim Restaurant in Haifa; 19 dead Zionists and 60 more wounded.

The older children and especially the teenage boys will probably appreciate the 72 Virgin′s game set.  The idea of this wonderful game is to earn and win 72 lovely dusky eyed virgins. This means negotiating your way round a board riddled with traps, checkpoints and of course the Zionist Apartheid wall, before finally making it to your target in some part of Palestine, like Tel Aviv or Netanya that your daddies or older brothers haven′t succeeding in liberating yet.  Play wisely and bear in mind that Zionist children under five and soldiers earn you extra virgins. Don’t forget getting past the Zionist checkpoints. Getting stopped for questioning will cost you a virgin and a search by the guard at your selected spot can cost you another five, although if you shoot him on the spot it can double your total.  The first one to reach 72 virgins wins. Not recommended for children under 12.

Hot on the trail of "Palestinian Farmer and Monopoly comes Palestinian Trivial Pursuit.  Let the kiddies test their wits to the absolute limit with such soul searching  questions as what is the capital of Palestine, where was Yasser Arafat born and on the streets of which city will the blood of a million martyrs run.

The Jigsaws are always big sellers.  This year Yasser Arafat is again the most popular puzzle.  He comes in all sizes from two pieces, for the babies and toddlers in easy to handle plastic pieces, up to an impressive 5000 pieces.  Let your mums and dads decide if you will have time to complete that one before you reach 18 and leave home to become a martyr.

This year a sound recording studio has been set up where the kiddies can dress up in their "suicide belt - one size detonates all" outfit, don a hood over their little faces and make their own farewell video.  Don’t forget to hold on to that real Kalashnikov rifle and expect some serious weeping from mum.

The sports stall is packed with little boys begging for footballs signed with the name of their favourite martyr. One little boy was reported to have shamed his parents by asking for one signed by David Beckham.  It will be a clip round the area for him tonight and weeks before those poor parents will be able to hold their heads held high again.

The book store has had a constant stream of visitors. Popular titles this year are :Shahid is Great", "My future as a Shahid", "Preparing for Shahid" and check out  Hanan Ashrawi′s lovely new book "Hey I was having a lovely childhood till those wretched occupation forces burst into my village and tore down my swing". Hanan is hoping to attend and personally sign copies of the book that is if she isn’t too busy picking up prizes for Peace in Sydney or Stockholm.

Tired of the kids and want a break.  Don’t fret.  Hamas, under the generous sponsorship of Suha Arafat has provided a play area.  Some of the activities on offer to the over 5′s will be target practice with real bullets and learning to jump through hoops of burning fire.  Don’t forget to buy the kiddies their military uniforms, or hire them at the door for a minimal fee.  Under five′s can enjoy sticking pins in the donkey (dressed up as an occupying forces soldier), throwing stones and don’t forget to check out how to make explosives and pack a suicide belt with nails and shrapnel. Careful they don’t cut their little fingers on the shrapnel, especially if they have just come from the "paint your hands red" activity.

By the way don’t forget to sign the children up for next year′s summer camps. Sign up five children and get the sixth one for free.

As the Gazan sun sets and the Palestinian Toy Fair winds down for another year, we are left with a last peek at this microcosmic world, where Palestinian childhood dreams tragically do come true. Sadly it′s not the smiling faces of the little demonized children heading happily home with their "suicide belts – one size detonates all" but that megalomaniac bastion of bias and bigotry the BBC. Barbara Plett is weeping over the Yasser Arafat puzzles and the news team is weeping even harder. It seems the only casualties of the day is not the tragic death of another little Mohammed, who they would have blamed on Israel and then revered around the world as a symbol of Zionist oppression, but a few members of Hamas singeing their hair on the burning hoops.

Angela Bertz – Israel.