Weep, drink and be Melly

Dear Spengler:

My acting career is in trouble after police stopped me for drunk driving and I accused them of acting on behalf of the world Jewish

 conspiracy. No matter how much I apologize, no one seems to believe me. Honestly, Spengler, I am not an anti-Semite. I just don′t know what gets into me when I am under the influence. You write about anti-Semitism all the time. How can I convince people that I have nothing against Jews?

Harried in Hollywood

Dear Harried:

If your psyche has anything to do with your screen persona, you are a sick puppy, but not a Jew-hater, that is, in the sense that people who believe that space aliens have planted radio transmitters in their brains do not really hate space aliens. You have nothing to lose by admitting that you are stark staring mad. When the US television satire South Park already has you  pictured as a loony masochist, dignity long since has ceased to be an issue. Everyone knows that you are crazy, so make the most of it. Turn the tables on the Jewish organizations and present yourself as a victim.

Fire your public relations team, and instead hire a very good psychiatrist (which you require in any event). Ask the psychiatrist to tell the press something like this: "My patient suffers from latent paranoid schizophrenic tendencies. His substance abuse problem stems from an underlying malfunction in his brain chemistry. Like many latent schizophrenics, he has self-medicated with alcohol and other drugs, which over time only worsens the problem. When he suffers from paranoid delusions he imagines that he is the victim of a Jewish conspiracy, in the same fashion that other paranoids imagine that they are the victim of an alien plot to take over the world. He is now under treatment for this disorder and asks for understanding and compassion regarding his illness."

American Jews will cheer you. How can they possibly reject psychiatry? They like to think anti-Semitism is a mental disease, although they have difficulty explaining how 60 million Germans or 300 million Arabs had the same quirk of brain chemistry. The truth is more frightening. Americans (and Australians) lack the underlying motive for Jew-hatred, which is the jealousy that fragile and endangered peoples bear against the Jews for their apparent immortality. Adolf Hitler could not imagine the Germans as the new Chosen People, the Herrengeschlecht, without eradicating the Jews; Muslims cannot claim the Koran as the final revelation without reducing to dhimmis the living bearers of the revelation that informs Christianity. The presentiment of ethnic death that Franz Rosenzweig ascribed to the nations of the world does not haunt new nations composed of immigrants who left the fey imaginings of their ancestors behind at the far shore.